»Ten Short English Jokes

»Ten Short English Jokes

1.Why do cows have horns?
Because their bells don't work.
2.What is the longest word in the English language? 'Smiles'. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
3.Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.
4.Did you hear what the English, the Irish and the Scots did when they heard the world was coming to an end? The English all went out and got drunk. The Irish all went to church. And the Scots had a closing down sale.
5.There are four kinds of people in the UK :
i. First, there were the Scots who kept the Sabbath - and everything else they could lay their hands on;
ii. Then there were the Welsh - who prayed on their knees and their neighbours;
iii. Thirdly there were the Irish who never knew what they wanted - but were willing to fight for it anyway.
iv. Lastly there were the English who considered themselves self-made men, thus relieving the Almighty of a terrible responsibility.
6.What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a space man? Park in it, of course.
7.What government agency is responsible for finding lost vicars? The Bureau of Missing Parsons.
8.Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.
9.Last night a man fell into a barrel of beer and drowned - he came to a bitter end.
10.Did you hear about the man who was convicted of stealing luggage from the airport? He asked for twenty other cases to be taken into account.